STAIRWAY TO HELL

Here is the cover. Bit of a departure, huh? STAIRWAY TO HELL will not be out until August. I've got to wait until August! So have you. We're all in the same boat, friends.

Why?

When I get a great writing idea, I think about it for about two seconds, then deliberately go and do something else. Watch some TV maybe or eat some cake. Basically, making a conscious effort to avoid it. Why? Surely I should immediately develop that idea, burning as it is in the embers of creation? It's the same with the actual writing. If I'm on a roll and I write a great sentence, I just stop and go and play some Fifa 08, stuffing my face with chocolate between passes. Why don't I go for the next sentence? Why do I feel the need to reward myself and pack up shop? Why why why why why?

Actually, I think I know. It's one of these two:

a. The idea is a newborn baby. You should wrap it up and put it in a cot and leave it for a bit. Same with the great sentence - that's you stretching to the limits of your abilities. Push any more and you'll pull a muscle. In your brain. Nasty.

b. I am a bone-idle bastard.

Lost in France

I hear in Paris they have a library dedicated to crime fiction. That's cool, right? Another cool thing is that they are having a festival of crime in May, where the intersection of the criminal and book worlds will be celebrated in all its glory. Can you guess where this is going? Yes, a third cool thing: your humble narrator will be at this festival. Apparently humour in crime is my bag and I'll be taking part in a panel on this subject, along with a couple of TBAs.

So, if you're in Paris on the 16th May, check us out.

You know, anyone would think I'm living on the continent. It's three years since I did any kind of event in the UK. I am a literary exile, condemned to tread only foreign soil until I can write a book that pleases MI5. Maybe STAIRWAY TO HELL will be that book? Ah, fuck MI5. Do you know the people that really matter? Critics? Don't make me laugh. Readers? Well, maybe a bit... but that's not the answer. It's CI5. Bodie and Doyle. And there is NOT A CHANCE they would have disapproved of any trilogy of books with one of these babies as a major character.

Saying all that, I do quite like foreign soil. Especially France. They have really nice soil, very dark and peaty. Plus they have loads of beer. I'm sorry, Cowley... you can grin all you like, I'm staying here, in this bar. Got my Leffe. Got my chips and mayonnaise. Got my table footy. Got my soil. I'm staying. I'm finishing my coffee. Enjoying my coffee.

Car crash cover

Second edition (or something) of Deadfolk released in France this week. I just love this cover. And check out that "Policer". That's Plim and Jonah!

Trolleyed

Check out the cover of LE ROI DU MACADAM, published in France today by Serie Noire/Gallimard. (Anglophones, this is KING OF THE ROAD... not some other book I wrote called "King of the Tarmac".) Love the cover. I do like a bit of suburban detritus in the morning.

Big thanks to Thierry Marignac for translating, and Gallimard for publishing.

And now for my next book...

Something very strange has been happening in Warchester, and local pub singer Rik Suntan is about to have his doors of perception blown wide open. It seems that during the 1970s, Jimmy Page's experiments with the occult wandered into the art of soulshifting - namely, swapping the souls of celebrity rivals with those of newly born babies in the Warchester maternity ward. Obviously this news is a tad hard to swallow, and Rik's got other problems on his plate - his regular slot doing Cliff Richard covers at the local nightclub is axed, and his girlfriend's dumped him for a ginger bloke. But not nearly as jaw-dropping as finding out he's the reincarnation of David Bowie...

Check out STAIRWAY TO HELL at Amazon. No pic for public consumption yet but it's a long time till publication. Probably better to drip it out slow.

BTW, this was my "research" novel. Every other book I wrote, the whole point of it was that I had to avoid looking things up (ie: work). Not so this one. Behind this story (which is a work of pure fiction, your honour) there's a whole pile of facts. More later.

Cool Yule

Happy Christmas. Make sure you have a good one because we're all going to be living on the streets next year, apparently. Have you seen MAD MAX? It'll be like that - fuel drought and strange clothes. Or maybe Neil Marshall's excellent DOOMSDAY - cannibalism and strange clothes. The message is clear: don't throw out your strange clothes just yet.

But next year won't all be about apocalyptic fun... there are cultural treats to look forward to as well. Francophone readers have got LE ROI DU MACADAM (King of the Road, trans. Thierry Marignac) coming out in February from Serie Noire/Gallimard. I think it's coming out in Italy too but, as ever, I'm not really sure about the Italian side of things. Later in the year, back in the U of K, my next book STAIRWAY TO HELL will come out from Serpent's Tail. You'll be able to get it in August, assuming we still have bookshops then.

While we're at it, check out the new blog to accompany Thierry Marignac's novel, RENEGADE BOXING CLUB. The book and blog are in French but there are some great photos. As well as two of my books, Marignac has translated works by Jim Thompson, Jim Carroll and Nelson Algren amongst many others. He is an interesting guy.

Anyway, have a good one this Exmas. Keep a bucket handy for vomitting into, and try not to set fire to yourself.

Yo ho ho and a bottle of Buckfast

New Q&A with me - administered by the capable Declan Burke - up on Crime Always Pays*. In it we talk about rubber hoses, Hello magazine and urine. Consider it an early Christmas present.

* And crime does not always pay, kids. Staying in school and laying off the alcopops and glue pays, OK? And internet poker.

Just a few mumbled words from me

Noticed a nice little review of my short story YOUR PLACE IS IN THE SHADOWS in the SF Crowsnest: "[the story) fizzes with the rustle of knock off Burberry caps and a life lived stealing and waiting for the next giro." But it's not all good: "It felt like it had some element missing..." That would be the lesbian rottweilers. (I had to cut the out to make the word limit.)

Congrats to Joe Calzaghe on beating up and making fun of Roy Jones Junior. Like a lot of Americans, I felt sad seeing a former great pushed around in such a way, and I didn't really enjoy it. But come on, Joe is incredible. Europe knows it and American pros know it, but still the US public refuses to admit it. Would it help if he was American?

Novel news: expect a new one from me to come out in August of 2009. That's a long time to wait, and a massive 3.5 years since my last one. But it means I'm back. I'm not dead, despite coroners' reports. Dracula has risen from the grave! I can't tell you the title yet because it is so ingenious that it will be immediately stolen and sold on Ebay, but here are the initials: S t H.

Packet of Radge

Remember that industrial strength interview I herded you towards a while back? Well, the boys at Byker Books have got their heads down and, after a lot of blood, sweat and pork scratchings, inaugurated a new print magazine - Radgepacket.

Volume One will be available shortly and you can order now, so please check it out. As far as I'm concerned, small press mags like this are essential to the survival of the human race. Long live the Radgepacket.

Turnips

Does anyone still hollow out turnips on Halloween? I'm sure we used to do that when I was little. Turnips and swedes (which are actually a nightmare to hollow out). As I understand it, the early settlers who went over to the States back in the day tried to do Halloween, but couldn't find any turnips or swedes, so they had a look around and found some pumpkins. And thank God they did, otherwise we would have spent the early 90s listening to The Smashing Turnips.

Happy Halloween.

Oh yeah...

...I totally forgot about this blog for a few weeks there. Hope you've all been OK. In truth I've been busting my balls for a while, trying to get a book written as well as all the other life-type stuff. Autumn is a good time for me, and I wanted to see how far I could ride the energy it seems to bring me. All the way, it seems. Here's to autumn...