Got a spare 45 quid?

Most people would stick it in their back pocket, go down the pub and blow it on beer, fags and fruit machines. Or maybe hit the bookies and put it on a horse.

Marc Price didn't. He chose to use his £45 to gatecrash Cannes with this baby:

Okay, band meeting...

Whoops, got cut off there yesterday. What, you thought I'd got bombed by a time-hopping Luftwaffe unit? Yeah, right.

In other news, I hope you're not missing season two of Flight of the Conchords. Watch out for ep5, directed by Michel Gondry of Eternal Sunshine and Science of Sleep etc. In fact check them all out. Then go back and check season one:

Chopper

There is a helicopter outside, hovering above the house. What is wrong with him? Why doesn't he go away? Those blades are churning my guts up and distracting me from... I dunno, whatever I was doing.

I'm told a bomb was dropped in my front garden during WW2, landing right on the spot where there is now a magnolia tree. You don't expect that out here in the sticks, but it seems the Nazi bomber was aiming for the old RAF base a couple of miles south and started popping caps on his approach. Not exactly the kind of thing that happens twice, but sometimes I look at that spot and wonder... What if there was a break in the space/time continuum? You never know.

Wait, maybe that helicopter outside is tracking someone? An escaped lunatic perhaps?

I'm off to check the back door. If I don't come back, I'm loon-fodder. You'll see it on the news: MAN GETS KILLED BY ESCAPED LUNATIC. Then they'll find out about my books, and swap "author" for "man". Journalists will find this post and use the WW2 bomb thing as a interesting bit of trivia. People will flock to my website until it gets shut down. My next book will come out postumously and go into multiple print runs due to the morbid curiosity factor.

Um, I just locked the back door, so I guess none of that will happen now. But wait... what's that sound? Not a helicopter now, definitely a plane. But not a jet, more like a... a Messerschmitt! Sounds like she's heading south, aimi

Paris, Radio and Trousers

A great time in Paris was had this weekend. Lisa and I sailed over a day early on the Eurostar and soaked up a few things (mostly beer and chocolate croissants). Next morning I did a radio interview with Radio Libertaire, France's official anarchist station. I did the whole thing in French, which I was a bit worried about beforehand but it went OK. I think. Anyway, if you're French and you heard some English twat babbling incomprehensibly on Saturday afternoon, it was me. Or Chris Waddle.

Later on that afternoon was the "humour in crime" panel at the Bilipo, where I shared the floor with the Colins Thibert and Bateman. The moderator was Natalie Beunat and it was a good session at a fascinating venue. If you're in Paris, check it out (especially the morbid displays in the foyer). After that, the Bateman and Williams entourages went in search of food and alcohol. It was great, but can I just say here that the traffic cone on top of the Eiffel Tower in the early hours of Sunday was nothing to do with me.

Talking of Colin, check out his new book, MYSTERY MAN. The logline is inspired: "Murder, mayhem and damn sexy trousers." That's the important things in life right there. And traffic cones.

In other news, a seal of approval has been given. Nothing to do with me really as I didn't design the cover, but it's a nice thing anyway.

ARK at Cannes

More short film news - ARK has been chosen for the Short Film Corner at the Cannes Film Festival. It will be shown as part of the special selection "Don't Let The Bastards Grind You Down", a notion I wholeheartedly agree with. Check it out here.

Twitter? More like sh...

Royston Blake is going to have a little adeventure in Twitter land, for want of anything better to do. Follow him if you must. I really don't think he gives a toss either way.

Coupla things

ARK has been selected for the festival of French and British cinema at le Touquet on 5-7 June. Check it out here with a couple of cool stills.

I have seen a copy of PAINT A VULGAR PICTURE: FICTION INSPIRED BY THE SMITHS and it is magic. What do you reck? Look out for my story "Sweet and Tender Hooligan" as well as great ones by John Williams, Kate Pullinger and Jeff Noon. Pick it up here for cheap, or at a book emporium near you from 28th May.

Talking of cheap, you seem to be able to pre-order my next book STAIRWAY TO HELL at Amazon.co.uk for only £4.79. Can this be real?

Factoid about STAIRWAY TO HELL: Despite the outlandish premise it is based on true events.

Are you a Parisien(ne)? Do you like humour in crime books? Come and hear me roar at the Bibliothèque des Littératures Policières on Saturday May 16th at 17.30. I probably won't roar, actually.