You could wait for a lifetime...

...to spend your days in the sun-shee-yine.

Oh, hi there. Say, did you know that I am guest blogging today over at David Belbin's blog, talking about Booze and Burn / Fags and Lager, the second installment in the ongoing story of Royston Blake? You can also hear "Cigarettes and Alcohol" there, a song which I chose for the occasion. Is that a leftfield choice or what? Many thanks to David.

Erm, did I mention that Booze and Burn is going cheap on Kindle? £1.99/$2.99. Oh, I did, didn't I? I guess I've done it again.

Booze after reading

Today sees the publication of BOOZE AND BURN, AmazonEncore's re-issue of Fags and Lager. This is the book about which one broadsheet critic sniffed "personally I think these books should be issued with embarrassing orange jackets and made to do menial community service in penance for their yobbery", before donning his tweed jacket and heading down to the MCC.

Meanwhile Metro said "Blake is the perfect antihero, engaging as well as terrifying, his delusions of hard-man grandeur fuelling fierce black comedy. Delivered in Blake's rich vernacular, Fags and Lager is yokel Tarantino".

I kind of prefer that one, but the straw-chewing image of Tarantino is troubling.

You can get Booze and Burn CHEAP on Kindle: £1.99/$2.99. Give it a go. It's all about Royston Blake.

Couple of new covers

Stuff City

Doesn't the world feel like a better place now? Royston Blake is free, and will be making an appearance in book form next August. It's a bit like when Nelson Mandela was released. Or when the Berlin Wall came down (except we did it without the help of David Hasselhoff). So, a reminder for anyone who didn't hear me shouting about it a few days ago - Mangel book #4 WILL be published, as will the first three (again).

Elsewhere, a nice review of Fags and Lager by Brian Lindenmuth at Spinetingler. BTW, Fags and Lager will be retitled BOOZE AND BURN when it comes out again next June. I'm sure you can guess that this is to do with "fags", which is obviously UK slang for cigarettes but in the USA means "banana", which is just a crazy mix-up and leads to the original title been auto-censored by an army of heavily-armed internet bots. "Burn" is obscure UK prison slang for ciggies, in case you haven't been a guest at one of Her Majesty's obscure establishments.

Also check out this interview with myself, ably conducted by Len Wanner at www.thecrimeofitall.com. Top questions.

"If he dies, he dies"

I'm pleased to say Royston Blake's world tour continues with a Russian version of FAGS AND LAGER. I can't get enough of these Russian covers. I'm getting thirsty just looking at it. Goes nicely alongside it's sister.

In other news, the FREE THE MANGEL ONE Facebook campaign marches on. Please check it out and consider joining if you favour David against Goliath. Or Royston Blake against the powers that be.

Brussels and French Mag

Had a good time in Brussels last week at the book fair. Wow, do those guys have strong beer. And chocolates. Book fair-wise, it was mightily impressive. A huge building, a ton of books and an endless flow of people who care about them. Thank you to Hubert Artus for inviting me. And it was great to meet other writers such as Antoine Chainas and JP, and catch up with Aurélien the rock 'n roll editor.

Are you in France? Check out the current issue of l'Optimum magazine. Inside you will find a feature (by the aforementioned Monsieur Artus) on UK authors Mark Billingham, Chris Cleave, Alex Wheatle and yours truly. There is a great big photograph of we four sitting in a Hackney boozer, drinking Guinness.

Oh yeah, and check out my new novel in French DES CLOPES ET DE LA BINOUZE (translated by Thierry Marignac).

Belgium

Hey, are you going to be hanging around the Belgium area in early March? Pop along to the Brussels Book Fair, where I will be doing a panel type affair on all things noir and crime on 6th March, sitting alongside fellow Serie Noirian Antoine Chainas, among others. Other notable guests include Russell Banks and "Le Chat". Around that time Gallimard/Serie Noire will be publishing DES CLOPES ET DE LA BINOUSE (Fags and Lager, translated by Thierry Marignac), so everything is cool on the Continent. (Unless you are Marc Stevens, in which case things are very uncool.)

Gitanes and Kronenbourg

Here is the cover of the French edition of FAGS AND LAGER, which will be out from Serie Noire/Gallimard in March. Dig that plastic cup!

ITALY

There is an Italian version of FAGS AND LAGER out now from Baldini Castoldi, it seems. It is called Paglie e Birre Chiare, which presumably is Italian for fags and lager. If you're Italian, and you like fags and lager or great novels about troubled door staff, go for it!

French News

The French edition of FAGS AND LAGER, out from Gallimard/Série Noire in March 2008, will be called DES CLOPES ET DE LA BINOUZE. Also LES ALLONGÉS (French edition of DEADFOLK) has been shortlisted for the Prix SNCF du Polar - the French crime writing award. Blimey. I'll let you know how it goes. More about the prize here.

fuck sake

Been looking at Amazon.com. They have this "books on related topics" feature which seems to scan the text of a book and work out, using clever jiggery pokery based on shared phrases, what other books you might like.

Take my second novel, FAGS AND LAGER. Amazon offers up PORNO by Irvine Welsh and SLIDER by Patrick Robinson, as well as DEADFOLK by Charlie Williams. The "related topics" my book shares with PORNO are "fuck sake", "fuckin pint", "other cunt" and "big cunt". Smart, eh? For SLIDER it's "head doorman", "fuck sake" and "fucking hell". The shared topics with DEADFOLK are too numerous to list, but you can take it from me that "fuck sake" in there.

So, if you know someone who is a fan of "fuck sake", or just curious about "fuck sake", I can recommend those four books as a nice Christmas present for that person. Probably not a good idea to buy them any Japanese liquor. (Or maybe it is? Maybe a bottle of sake with a suitably sized orifice opening would be just thing?)

Fags, Fog, and Flesch

Good news for potential readers of FAGS AND LAGER who are not confident in their reading ability: Amazon.com has given it a readability "Fog index" of 5.5. That is good. It scores well also on the "Flesch" and the "Flesch-Kincaid" indices, meaning that it is in the top 4% of all books, readability-wise. Less intelligent readers will also be cheered by the news that only 3% of the words are complex, which puts it in the top 3% of "simple" books. And that's not all...

Clean-living, pure-minded punters will be cheered that the blameless word "bit" occurs a whopping 327 times, trouncing the paltry 201 occurrences of "fuck", which is a nasty word. (However, as a fair man I should also reveal that all permutations of "fuck" total 567 occurrences, which might be of possible concern.)

So what does this mean? This means good news for you, the potential punter. It is safe to take the leap, and dive into the world of FAGS AND LAGER. And if that's not enough, bear in mind that FAGS AND LAGER is the number one bestselling book with "fag" in the title, beating FAG HAG by a country mile (at time of press).

Meat of dubious provenance

I really like this review of FAGS AND LAGER. Not for what it says, but the way it says it. Check out some of the other stuff at Reflection's Edge. Looks like a nice place.

Apparently FAGS AND LAGER has just gone on sale in the US, so you hopefully you'll be able to pick it up over there somewhere. Check out some other reviews if you're in two minds.

Chavs and Lager

Well, thanks for all your book launch suggestions, guys. Looks like I'll have them queuing up around the block. Really, I don't know what I'd do without you. Sheesh.

Anyway, I was startled to find out that if you plug the phrase "chav lit" into google, you only get one result: the page for FAGS AND LAGER. So not only have I been cast into a highly dubious genre, but I am the ONLY exponent of it.

I guess I ought to be happy. I'm a pioneer. I've got to the top of the mountain and there's no one else around me. But, er, it's the wrong fucking mountain.

"Because it's there" - Sir Edmund Hilary.

Sacré Flamin' Bleu!

Gallimard have bought the French rights to FAGS AND LAGER. (They already have DEADFOLK, which will no doubt come out over there some time.) The French, as we all know, have a great love for fags and lager (you don't know what a fag is until you've had a Gitane), so I hope my humble offering will not disappoint.

My books will be swimming in Williams-infested waters at Gallimard, which already include the likes of Charles Williams, Tennessee Williams, and William Carlos Williams among others.

I'm off to celebrate with some lager!

Update...
In my excitement I forget to mention... Many thanks to Malcolm Imrie of Imrie and Dervis for brokering this deal (and all the other foreign deals).

Review Embargo

As I said, no FAGS AND LAGER reviews here. That includes the one from The Big Issue, which includes the nugget:

"The phrase 'chav lit' would be a disservice to this novel - there's real depth to the characters, but anyone familiar with small town life will appreciate the pitch-black sense of humour."

Chav lit? I spot a movement.

But fair's fair. If I ignore the good ones, I ignore the bad ones too. Such as the Bristol and Bath Venue Magazine, which previously slated DEADFOLK. As you can see, they're sticking to their guns:

"Williams doesn't seem to know whether he wants to be David Lynch or 'Viz', so he ticks both boxes, chucking in 'The League Of Gentlemen' for good measure. But 'Fags and Lager' is much too lightweight to be 'Blue Velvet', not funny enough to be 'The Fat Slags', and completely lacks the ability to evoke the kind of queasiness created by the League's genuinely repulsive parade of grotesques."

Hmm. Why would I want to be any of those things? What if I had succeeded in "being" Lynch or Viz? Then I'd just be a clone. Fair enough, though. I will defend every man and woman's right to slag me off.

"Yeah, but he's a pervert, Dude"

I want to replace that shot from The Big Lebowski up there at the top. It's a nice shot, but it has to go. Its time is not now. Maybe later, in a year or so. Expect it to be gone by tomorrow, replaced by something more... more... Ah, you'll just have to come back and see. (I really want to use a shot of Marv from SIN CITY, but it's too current. I live in the past, and things only really sink in with me once they've matured for at least five years. Preferably twenty-five. (Case in point - RAGING BULL.))

Meanwhile, remember I said I wouldn't report on any FAGS AND LAGER reviews? It's just not in my nature. Anyway, here's another one I refuse to report on (from Tangled Web):

300-odd pages of squalor, f-, s- and c- words, extreme violence and drugs, the odd hint of perversity, monstrous sly humour and all with no redeeming social message whatsoever.

You should see my mum. She's so proud.

Embarrassing orange jackets

Is this a good review or a bad review? (Page down to bottom - where I belong.) Personally I love it. "Bloke lit gone bananas" - nice alliteration there. Shame it's not really bloke lit. (Or is it?) (Who cares?) Anyway, it was enough to make my day.

Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me

Anyone have a copy of last Friday's (20 May) The Sun? I'm told there was a review of FAGS AND LAGER in it. If you go to a barbershop or a chinese takeaway, have a look at the reading matter in the waiting area - they usually have some old Suns. That's my only hope. So go on, treat yourself to a short back 'n sides, with egg fried rice and prawn crackers.

There have been one or two other reviews, but I said I wouldn't talk about reviews so I won't. One was in yesterday's Metro, including the nugget: "Blake is the perfect antihero, engaging as well as terrifying, his delusions of hard-man grandeur fuelling fierce black comedy. Delivered in Blake's rich vernacular, Fags and Lager is yokel Tarantino."

Yokel Tarantino! My next two books will be KILL JETHRO vols 1 and 2.

Also a good one on the BBC Collective website, which goes something like: "Williams' greatest achievement is Blake himself, a dazzling creation of well-intentioned prejudice and overblown machismo, dripping with dramatic irony, who would rather spare the upholstery of his 2.8i Ford Capri than ferry a wounded mate to hospital."

Wouldn't anyone? Meanwhile, I've got to choose a FAGS extract to read at Hay next Wednesday. This will be my first reading from this novel, and I've no idea which bit to go for. Probably best to just start at page 1.

Fags and Feedback

Maybe what I should do is mention reviews and general feedback (of FAGS AND LAGER) as it dribbles in. But I'm not the kind of guy who does that. If it's a good review, it looks like I'm blowing my own trumpet. If it's bad, I'm wallowing in self-pity, or trying to look all nonchalent but failing, and just looking sad and damaged. So definitely no review posting from me. I'll just ignore all that. Yep.

And anyway, there's only been a couple so far. One in FRONT magazine, which is a lads' mag. Flick past all the tits and asses (go on, keep turning those pages you old lech. Oh, you're a girl... er...) and you'll find the review on p149. Here's a bit: 'Fags and Lager is seriously funny... Anyone who's ever grown up and put up with the rude boys, growlers and thugs of a crappy, rain-soaked market town in the middle of nowhere, will no doubt fall in love with this all-too-fictional nonfiction.'

The other one is in the Birmingham Sunday Mercury. I haven't read it but I'm told it contains the blurbworthy nuggets: 'fast-paced, darkly comic... an unputdownable read... a matter of laugh and death.'

But, like I say, I'm not interested. I'm ignoring all that. Just sitting here, finishing my coffee. Enjoying my coffee.