This BBC article is so good on so many levels. Eg:
"We had to put matches in private, inappropriate areas and set them on fire whilst drinking more beer."
Fun article, right? But note the "DEATHS" heading near the bottom, reminding us that this is actually a serious issue and not just a sorry excuse for a news item, written by someone with no eyes, ears, sense of smell or touch, limbs, head, torso, inappropriate area or anything. In fact this article was written by a gas. A harmless, useless gas. Xenon, perhaps.