Saturday, May 14, 2016

Keith and Danny: "It ain't about the songs"

'You out tonight?'
'Nah.'
'Why not? Nurses is having a do up the Tadpole. They'll all be in the Shed later.'
'I don't go in the Shed no more.'
'You does.'
'Ain't been in over a year.'
'Bollocks has you not.'
'I ain't. They banned me, remember?'
'What, when you fell on that bird?'
'I never fell on her. Graham Selby pushed me.'
'He was helping you tap off with her, I heard. Eggin' you on like.'
'Oh yeah? That why he tapped off with her himself soon as they kicked me out?'
'That's the way it goes sometimes. And they never banned you.'
'Look, I just ain't going in the Shed again. Plus I got stuff else to do.'
'Like what?'
'Don't matter.'
'Oh aye? You on a date?'
'Shut up, I ain't on a date. Ain't even going out.'
'It's fuckin' Saturday night! How come's you staying in?'
'Eurovision.'
'You shittin' me?'
'No. Me and mam is watching Eurovision. Sarah might and all. Plus her Dave's coming if they loses in the footy. We're having a party.'
'What, four of you?'
'A Eurovision party. It ain't like a normal party. You watches the songs and the results and have a sweepstakes and that.'
'Yeah but Eurovision is shite.'
'That's your opinion.'
'You saying you actually like the songs?'
'Course I do.'
'So you listen to 'em when it ain't Eurovision? Bands from fuckin' Borat-land and that?'
'That ain't the point.'
'Ah, you so admits they'm shite!'
'It ain't about the songs. It's about the whole package, all the different countries and that. I likes all the weird stuff. They got a naked feller this year. With wolves.'
'You're an arse bandit.'
'I ain't. You should see some of the birds on it as well - they'm practically naked and all!'
'Not as naked as one of them nurses tonight, after I gets her in me pit.'
'You wanna know how to tap off with a bird? Talk to her about Eurovision. All birds loves it.'
'Bollocks does they.'
'I ain't lyin'. Tell 'em about the naked feller and the wolves.'
'Hmm...'
'Tell you what, I bet all the good ones is stayin' in tonight anyhow. Or going to Eurovision parties like mine.'
'Four people ain't a party!'
'Sarah said some of her mates might come.'
'Yeah? Like who? That Chloe?'
'Maybe.'
'You shittin' me? If she's coming, I'm comin'.'
'I ain't invited you.'
'You sayin' I can't come?'
'I'm sayin' you just spent five minutes slaggin' off Eurovision. You can't have it both ways.'
'Well fuck you then. Thought you was a mate.'
'I am a mate, but you ain't coming to my Eurovision. That's the way it goes sometimes.'
'Fuck you.'
'Fuck you and all.'

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