Top of the Lager League

Trying to secure the number one spot on Google for the search string "charlie williams" is one competitive ticket. Just when my site (charliewilliams.net) finally emerged from 4-digit obscurity and shifted into double figures, and looked destined for the top spot, some other Charlie Williams hits a run of form and gets there before me. Currently (though this changes day by day) the king of "charlie williams" is Ayup Magazine, which takes the cheeky-but-dead Northern comic as its subject. I don't mind that. I can handle a faded god of light entertainment as my conquistador. It's these other guys that piss me off...

Actually that's not quite true. Another "charlie williams" I've come to know and respect is the Korean Dragon, possibly the most unlikely-monikered Korean I've ever come across. Anyone who wins fame and fortune by playing pub games is fine by me.

But who is this baseball guy? OK, I know who he is. He's "charlie williams", isn't he. But baseball? We used to play that at school when the wicket was being relaid (Maybe that was rounders. But, you know...)

I can put up with this Dallas Cowboys player. Anyone with shoulders like that can go in front of me in any list of search results. But they're not real shoulders, are they. Everyone knows American Football players are built like small children underneath all that padding. So get behind me, helmet boy.

Then there's the pastoral counseling guru. What can you say about him? (Ah, I know - "his name is Charlie Williams." That's what you can say.)

One day I'll be number one. Then everyone will be saying "Who the fuck is this Deadfolk guy? Where's the real Charlie Williams? You know, the champion truck puller?"