Thursday, February 17, 2005

Letters

I've had a complaint about Keith's recent guest-blog. Tavin writes in from Vancouver, saying simply: "Keith is a male chauvinist pig." However, she fails to provide evidence to back up this claim, and I can't find any myself.

Meanwhile Cecil in Port Talbot writes: "I just want to thank Keith for his stirling advice on pulling women. I did exactly what he said (right down to the bit about the mirror) and ends up getting off with a well fit bird at Cinderella's last night. Sadly she ran off when I chucked up in her handbag." Well done Cecil, and I'll be passing on the positive feedback to Keith.

He might also be interested in this, from Raquelle in Swaziland: "I think Keith is gorgeous. Especially that hat. Has he ever thought of being a model? He can wiggle his eyebrows at me anytime."

Finally, Danny from Mangel writes: "Keith is a wanker. I do all the bloody graft round here. Web desiner, he calls himself? He couldn't desine himself a bacon butty, let alone a web. But he gets all the credit, don't he. Even made us check his blog the other day for speling mistakes, saying he'd put in a good word for us with Monica at the paper shop if I did. But he never even done that. I went in there yesterday and all she goes on about is Keith this Keith that, how hansome he is and how clever, doing all that computer stuff... Well, I've had enough. Do you know what I say? Sod him. That's right - sod him good and proper. I ain't lifting a finger for him no more. I'm the fourmost web desiner around here, not him. I'm the one who can spell proper, and I'm the one who lent him that Rainbow record in the first place (which I ain't seen since). And I wants me dues."

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Well, personally, I think Keith is just lovely. But I just have two very small bones to pick.

The first is that some of us girls don't need flattery, pity and the classics. A nice bag of chips will do.

Secondly, I have to take issue with Keith's choice of Rainbow. I'm sorry, but no-one can beat The Cramps for romance and lurve. How about such classics as Dames, Booze, Chains and Boots? Or Hot OPearl Snatch? Or What's Inside a Girl? Or Can Your Pussy Do The Dog? Or what about the...errrr...seminal Bend Over I'll Drive?

I mean, how about these for romantic liyrics that just make you melt - from I Wanna Get Into Your Pants: "You got a wonderful ass. It's in the back o' my mind. But, meanwhile, back at the ranch. I wanna get in your pants. You know I'm in a band. And I can do handstands. I got this burning desire. To don that darling attire. How that elastic snaps. Against my kneecaps. I wanna wiggle into. Your powdered rubber skin...ooh. You got the clothes. You got romance. You got the boots. So, I just gotta ask. Can I get in your pants?"

Donna

Charlie Williams said...

Those are some truly inspiring lyrics, Donna. I doubt Keith has heard of The Cramps. They're just not crap enough to come into his radar. But I'll let him know.

And I think he's aware of the bag of chips routine. (Isn't everyone aware of the bag of chips routine?) Knowing Keith though, you'd probably find a saveloy in there..

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